


Aftermath

by Sahlia



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Gen, Spoilers for chapter 84, mentions of acwnr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-14
Updated: 2016-08-14
Packaged: 2018-08-08 16:57:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7765891
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sahlia/pseuds/Sahlia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>My version of what happens after the end of chapter 84.</p>
<p>After the outcome of Levi's decision he is left alone to reflect on the consequences when guilt and regrets are threatening to overwhelm him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fanfiction here. Since English isn't my native language there may be a few mistakes for which I would like to apologize in advance. This story starts after the end of chapter 84 of the manga, so there will be spoilers. Also, there will be some explicit language (not much, but well, it's Levi XD).
> 
> Enjoy! :)

While his squad had rushed to Armin's side as soon as he had come out of his titan form, Levi had stayed behind on the roof next to Erwin's body. He felt Hanji's worried gaze on the back of his head and the soldier who had brought Erwin – Floch was his name, Levi remembered – was still standing next to them.

“Levi...” Hanji started cautiously.

“You're next, you know?” Levi interrupted. “Now that Erwin's …!” He stopped. He couldn't bring himself to say the word out loud even though Hanji had already confirmed his death earlier.

“You're the next commander!” he finally said, trying his hardest to sound indifferent. He grabbed Erwin's bolo tie, removed it from the dead commander and held it out for Hanji to take it without looking at the scientist. “So what are your orders?”

Hanji hesitated but then slowly took the bolo tie out of Levi's hands. Levi had expected Hanji to refuse or even to break down. After all, he wasn't the only one who had lost people today. From what it seemed Hanji's squad hadn't survived, either. But he was glad when the new commander of whatever was left of the Survey Corps replied with a strong voice.

“We should meet up with your squad. It seems like we are safe for the moment but we can't let our guard down. We'll need to refill our gas and get some new blades. There are a few supply wagons still left that we can use. And then we'll search for any survivors.”

Floch saluted while Levi just nodded.

“Floch and I can go first” Hanji added more hesitantly and Levi felt a hand on his shoulder “if you need a moment, Levi.”

Again Levi nodded, still not looking away from Erwin. “I'll find you... thanks!”

Floch went in the direction of where the other still living members of the Survey Corps were standing surrounded by the steam of Armin's vaporizing titan form. And Hanji went to join him but stopped at the edge of the roof and looked back - first to Erwin, then to Levi. “Levi... Will you be alright?”

Finally Levi looked up and met Hanji's gaze. The new commander looked exhausted and worried. Again, Hanji's gaze switched over to Erwin.

“He wouldn't have wanted to be injected.” Hanji said slowly and Levi could hear great grief in it. “You made the right choice, Levi, for his sake!”

_Have I really?_ Levi thought. But he stayed silent. He didn't know what to reply. So it was again Hanji who interrupted the silence.

“You shouldn't stay here alone for too long!” And Levi knew that there was worry not only for his physical state. “And about Eren and Mikasa...”

“I know!” Levi finally said and Hanji stilled. “I'll join you soon.”

“Okay...” With one final glance at the deceased commander Hanji saluted and joined the others who had assembled a few buildings away from where Levi now sat alone next to Erwin's dead body.

 

Now that he was alone, Levi didn't know what to do. Once again he was staring at the dead commander's face whose eyes would never open again and he felt his feelings trying to break through. Sadness, anger, despair, helplessness – he usually always managed to keep his emotions down, ever since his first mission where he had lost his friends. Levi had lost many more people since then. Superiors, subordinates, comrades,... It had never been easy but people had begun to look up to him – some shitty hero in their eyes – so he couldn't show how he was affected by all these losses. And back then there had still been Erwin. Levi had chosen to follow him and as long as he was around there was some purpose in what he was doing, even if it meant to lose everyone else around him. But now...

“Fuck!” Levi's hands clenched to fists and his nails started digging into his flesh.

Once again his choice had led to the death of one of the few people he had let himself to care about. First Isabel and Farlan, later his old squad and now Erwin. He had let Erwin lead that suicide attack and hadn't even managed to kill that bastard in the Beast Titan in return. And even when he had the chance to bring the commander back from death's door he had chosen Armin instead in the last second.

“You bastard!” Levi brought his fist down on Erwin's chest but there was no strength behind that move. A single tear rolled down Levi's cheek. “You shouldn't have joined us on this mission in the first place! You should have come up with another idea than getting yourself killed! You should have just let me inject you the damn serum...!” His voice broke.

He had been ready to give Eren the serum to use it on Armin and give up on that last bit of hope that Erwin was still alive somehow. It had been okay like that. But when Floch had brought the commander that had changed the situation. Levi had claimed it would be for the sake of humanity to let Erwin live but had that really been the reason? Yes, Erwin was important for humanity's fight against the titans. But for Levi he had also been a friend. Erwin had gotten him out of the underground and instead of punishing him for his crimes, he had offered him a new life with the Survey Corps. Their start had been complicated but after his first mission Levi had started to respect Erwin and he had chosen to follow his lead and trust in his decisions. And over the years their mutual trust and respect had grown into camaraderie and friendship.

Levi could understand Eren's and Mikasa's reaction. Hadn't he himself felt the same? Just like him they had wanted to save a friend.

And yet, in the end he had injected Armin and had let Erwin die. The needle had nearly been injected when the commander had put his arm away. And it had been in that moment when Levi changed his earlier choice.

Levi knew that Hanji was right. Erwin wouldn't have wanted to be injected. He had accepted death and had even given up on his childish dream when he had decided on that suicide attack.

When thinking of Erwin's dream, Levi frowned slightly. He had started respecting Erwin because the commander had been ready to give up his humanity in order to save humanity. One had to do it and Erwin had been the right man who was accepting the people's hatred for failed missions, becoming a demon in their eyes while striving forward towards a goal that Levi was starting to see, too, when following Erwin.

However, in those last weeks Levi had seen a change in Erwin. He had always thought that his dream had been to lead humanity to its victory over the titans and Levi had chosen to follow his commander's path in that goal. He would have been ready to die for that. But ever since losing his arm Erwin had seemed to remember a different dream – that of proving his father's theories right and learning the truth about the titans and the world. That night before the mission when Levi had tried to convince Erwin to stay behind it had become clear that this dream was a strong obsession. It unnerved Levi that this fact bothered him immensely. The man he had chosen to follow was dreaming of freeing humanity, not chasing some childish illusions.

He remembered Kenny's words: _“Without being drunk on something no one could have done what they did... Everyone was a slave to something.”_

Apparently that had applied to Erwin, as well. And could Levi blame him for that? Maybe he didn't have own dreams of things that would probably never happen anyway. Being in this line of work could kill you at any moment. What good did it to have big dreams? Levi had always lived to survive the next day and focused on one goal after another. It's what had kept him alive – in the underground and around titans. But hadn't he committed himself to Erwin's dream? Didn't that make him a slave, as Kenny would say, as well?

Levi wanted to be angry. Angry at Erwin for his stubbornness that had gotten him killed, angry at the brats who had tried to convince him to change his decision but mostly angry at himself who had decided in the end.

But he knew that for Erwin it had been the right decision. In the end, he had died nobly – fighting for humanity. He had even given up on his childish dreams for that. And he had died knowing he had the support of the people back inside the Walls. It had been the first time having so many people cheering for them, cheering for Erwin of all people. The commander who had left the Walls that day hadn't been a demon, he had been a hero and as such he had died.

If Levi had let him live he would have returned as a demon again. After suffering so many losses today it would have been unavoidable, no matter what they would find in the damn basement. And that's something that Levi didn't want to burden Erwin with again. That's why he had changed his decision in the last second when Erwin had pulled his arm away. Erwin deserved this rest. He was at peace now.

And Levi wouldn't regret his choice. It wouldn't help to change the outcome and instead of being consumed by regrets he should focus on what should be done now. It was Erwin who had told him so on his first mission outside the walls after the death of Farlan and Isabel. Levi had lived up to this resolve ever since and he would keep it even now. He had given Erwin a promise. He would kill the Beast Titan! And that would be his next goal!

With new resolve Levi wiped the tear from his face and stood up. He had been dwelling here way too long. Their mission wasn't over yet and he badly needed new gas and blades in case the titans would come back. He needed to get back to the others and like Hanji had said, maybe, hopefully, they would find some more survivors.

Levi hesitated. He didn't really want to leave Erwin's body here. But he knew that they couldn't take him back inside the Walls. They had lost too many horses. And whatever was left of the wagons would be needed to transport supplies or the wounded.

“I'm sorry, Erwin!” But maybe he would be even happier here than inside the Walls. There was no one waiting for him there anyway and here he was so close to where his dream had let him. “Maybe I can show you the basement after all!”

But first he had to regroup and resupply. Levi took off his cape and carefully draped it over the fallen commander. “This should do until I come back.”

He turned to leave but remembered Hanji's gesture from before. Levi didn't salute often. He thought of it as a stupid, unnecessary way to express subordination and only participated in it if it was expected of him – and only halfheartedly. But this one man had offered everything for humanity. There was no one else who deserved it more. So Levi turned to face Erwin once again, straightened up and saluted – and never had he meant it more than in that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a one-shot for now but maybe I'll write a second chapter. I welcome any comments. :)


End file.
